“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s” Charlie Day teams up with Justin Long to Guest Host RAW as the fall out from Summer Slam begins. What is the next phase of the Nexus’s plan? Who will be the next to challenge Sting? What is the fate of Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, and John Cena? And what is Green Man doing here?

RAW 8/16/10 Fan Script

1: Show opens: Highlights of Summer Slam (read the script here) then the Nexus comes to the ring.

Sting:

We came, we saw, and once again we conquered! These fine young men behind me did what they said they were going to do. They won. Wade Barrett, you are the new king of the C-Nation. Michael Tarver and Skip Sheffield, you’ve dulled the Edge and saved us from Chris Jericho. David Otunga, the man who caged the Viper. And Triple H, well last night it was game over. Momentum is on our side and tonight the Nexus Express shall continue rolling.

Sting gives the mic to Wade Barrett

Barrett:

Three. Three members of the WWE roster we have put out of commission. Including your hero, John Cena. It is time for to move phase two forward. The Nexus is undefeated and shall remain so. Which brings me to the big question on the Nexus’s mind, what’s next?

Michael Tarver takes the mic.

Tarver:

Last night, Skip Sheffield and I destroyed Edge and Jericho, two of the finest Superstars in WWE history. Week in and week out we have come out here and buried everyone in our path. Now, we want what’s ours, the Unified Tag Team Championship. The Hart Dynasty has been avoiding us, and in doing so has not defended the Unified Tag Team titles in thirty days. Therefore, it is only fair, that the WWE award the top tag team, me and Skip, the belts!

He gives the mic back to Barrett.

Barrett:

The Tag Team Championship is only a part of what we have planned…

Suddenly John Cena’s music plays and he makes his way toward the entrance ramp. His arm is still in a cast.

Cena:

It’s me. It’s me. It’s good ole Johnny Cee. And contrary to what Wade said, the rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated. Unlike you Wade, unlike you Sting, I’m gonna give credit where credit is due. Wade, you got me last night, I admit it. However, I also have to give credit to the Wendy’s girl, Justin Bieber wannabe, the male escort, and the other members of the goon squad for helping me out of my car last night. And Sting, I think you should send Paddy Tannenger the Caddy Manager, a thank you note because without him, Triple H would be Unified Champion. And as for my favorite gigolo, David Otunga, well I have no love for Randy Orton, but he’s not the type of guy that’ll let foot injury force him to say ‘I Quit’. As for the masked marauder and the airhead, you guys want to be Tag Team Champions? I know a couple of people who can grant you your wish.

Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty come out accompanied by Natalya. They are holding the new Tag Team Championship belts.

David Hart Smith:

So, you guys want a title shot? We can oblige you can’t we Kidd?

Tyson Kidd:

Definitely. You guys want these brand new WWE Tag Team belts, come and get them from us…right now!

SFX: Email Chime.

Michael Cole:

Ladies and Gentlemen: I have just received an email from the General Manager. Michael Tarver and Skip Sheffield you will face the Hart Dynasty later tonight for the newly renamed WWE Tag Team titles. However, if any members of the Nexus intervene they will be suspended. And that’s the bottom line ‘cause the GM said so. Thank you.

2: Backstage: R-Truth is getting ready for his match when US Champion Ted DiBiase enters. Truth gets defensive.

DiBiase:

Truth. Truth. I’m not here to fight I just want to talk. Last night, you and Melina beat Maryse and I fair and square. What I came to talk to you about is the little stipulation for the match, Maryse and I having to work for you and Melina for a day, say I were to give you a shot at the US title, you would maybe call off the stipulation?

R-Truth:

Oh, you haven’t heard? Because I pinned you last night, I get a shot at the US title at “Night of Champions”. And don’t worry about that stipulation, Melina and I won’t make you and Maryse do anything too demeaning.

Truth leaves. DiBiase scowls.

Cut to commercial.

3: David Otunga over R-Truth- DiBiase interferes and clobbers Truth with the US belt allowing Otunga to pin him.

4: Backstage: Triple H arrives.

Cut to commercial.

5: The Miz over Goldust- Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

6: Backstage: Guest Hosts Justin Long and Charlie Day arrive and are talking with the Bella Twins when Santino enters dressed as Dayman.

Charlie:

Who are you?

Santino:

I’am the Dayman.

Fighter of the Nightman.

Champion of the Sun.

A master of karate (he does the Cobra)

And amicizia for everyone.

Jillian joins him and they sing the Dayman song as Justin and Charlie slowly walk away.

7: Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella over the Uso Brothers w/Tamina.

  • Kozlov pins Jey.
  • After the match, Tamina winks at Santino

8: Backstage: Charlie Day is trying to get the Bella Twins to make an appearance on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” by illogically comparing the show to a football he is holding.

Charlie:

You see the show has a lot of momentum, and we did an episode based on wrestling, so I was thinking you two could appear on an episode as two girls I hire…

Bella Twins (in unison):

Hire?

Charlie:

No, nothing like that. I was thinking more along the lines of I’d hire you to pretend to attack the Waitress, she’s the character I’m pining over, and I’d move in for the rescue dressed as Green Man and would save her with this football, (he tosses the football off camera) only it wouldn’t hit you it would hit her, w

Regal (off camera):

Damn it all to bloody hell!

Enter William Regal, who is holding his crotch.

Regal:

Are you the cur who found it amusing to chuck a bloody football at my lower abdominal region?

Charlie:

Well, I wasn’t really throwing it at you. I was…

Regal:

Listen you loathsome cur I find both you and your show repulsive. And, to make matters worse, you have decided to besmirch me on national television.

Charlie:

Hey buddy, I said I was sorry and I wanted to run something by you anyway. Do you think Green Man could work in the WWE?

Regal:

I don’t know why don’t we find out.

Charlie:

Hey you know that sounds like a good idea. Why don’t we talk it over later?

Regal:

Yes, why don’t we. I’ll see you in the ring. And wear your green suit.

Charlie:

Thanks man I will.

Regal exits and the Bellas wince.

Nikki:

Do you have any idea what you just did?

Charlie:

Yeah, I found someone interested in bringing Green Man to the WWE.

Brie:

No, you just accepted his challenge. You have a match.

Charlie:

No I didn’t. Did I?

The Bellas nod yes.

Charlie (running off):

Hey! Hey buddy!

9: Heath Slater over Edge via DQ- Edge attacks Slater repeatedly with a chair. Afterwards he grabs a microphone.

  • Edge calls out Sting, demanding a Unified title shot at “Night of Champions”
  • The Miz comes out instead.
  • Miz says Edge doesn’t deserve a title shot because he lost last night, whereas he won. The Miz says he’s declaring himself the number one contender because he is The Miz and he is “awesome.”
  • Michael Coles reads an email from the GM saying that next week Miz and Edge will have a Number One Contenders match.

Cut to commercial.

10: Backstage: Charlie Day bumps into William Regal.

Charlie:

Hey buddy.

Regal:

What do you want?

Charlie:

Well, I wanted to talk about our ‘meeting’ later tonight. You see I didn’t realize that I was signing up for a wrestling match. So, why don’t we say I’ve learned my lesson and I respectfully decline the match.

Regal:

You can’t decline. Well you can decline but rather than me getting you out there, I’ll get you right here.

Charlie:

Uhhhh.

Regal (fake punching Charlie’s jaw):

I’m going to hit you right in the cheek and your jaws going pop right off.

Charlie:

No. Don’t do that.

Regal:

See you later chap.

Regal leaves.  The Gang from “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”, Kaitlin Olson, Rob McElhenny, and Glenn Howerton enter.

Kaitlin:

Hey Charlie, how’s it going?

Glenn:

Yeah, you having fun?

Rob:

Hey, what’s the matter?

Charlie:

What’s the matter? I got to get ready for my match.

11: Backstage: Eve and Melina are hanging out getting ready for their match. Eve asks Melina what she has planned for Maryse next week. Melina says the world will have to wait but it’ll be great.

12: Skip Sheffield and Michael Tarver over WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty w/ Natalya via DQ- Natalya whacks Sheffield with a chair.

Cut to commercial.

13: Backstage: Charlie is trying to convince Yoshi Tatsu to hit him with a chair. Yoshi doesn’t want to. The Gang is protesting.

Charlie:

Don’t worry man, I’m the toughest member of the gang everything will be fine.

Glenn:

For the last time, you are not Charlie KELLY you are Charlie DAY, you are not as tough as you’re character.

Charlie:

Well, he is kind of based on me.

Kaitlin:

Well he wasn’t based on your positives.

Charlie:

Come on. We both know I can handle this.

Rob:

You know what guys I’ll deal with this.

Rob takes the chair from Yoshi and hits Charlie in the back with it. Charlie falls flat and the gang is silent.

Charlie:

Guys, I think I threw out my back…

The Gang rushes out as Yoshi tries to help Charlie.

14: Eve and Melina over Divas Champion Maryse and Alicia Fox- Melina pins Alicia.

15: Backstage: Sting consults with Darren Young and Wade Barrett about their match with Triple H and Cena.

16: Host Justin Long comes to the ring as Guest Ring Announcer.

17: Green Man over William Regal- Green Man reveals himself to be Yoshi Tatsu.

Cut to commercial

18: Justin Long and the Gang from “It’s Always Sunny” congratulate Yoshi. Suddenly Yoshi is hit by trashcan and knocked out. Camera pans and we see Danny DeVito (wearing a miniature version of Andre the Giant’s singlet) who declares that the Trash Man is back.

19: Triple H and John Cena vs. Wade Barrett and Darren Young w/Sting- No contest.

  • Sheamus comes after Triple H and the two start brawling towards the back.
  • Sting, Wade Barrett, and Darren Young attack Cena, focusing on his injured arm.
  • Out of the crowd comes a hooded man who attacks the three Nexus members with a chair.
  • The man removes his hood, it is DANIEL BRYAN.
  • Bryan helps up Cena but refuses to shake his hand and leaves the ring.

Show ends.

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