Here’s how I booked Buzz Aldrin hosting RAW

RAW 5/17/10 Fan Script

1: Show opens- Guest Host Buzz Aldrin makes his entrance floating on to the stage and planting a WWE Universe flag on the stage. Buzz Aldrin thanks the crowd and introduces a Canadian Hero, Bret “Hitman” Hart.


Thank you, Mr. Aldrin. Although we’re in Canada, I’d like to say that that man is a ‘Real American Hero’. Now, this past week when I became a grandfather to a lovely granddaughter, I received word that I’ve been challenged to a match for the United States Heavyweight Championship. Now, I hate to say this, but I’m going to have to politely decline. After Wrestlemania, I’ve accomplished all I needed to accomplish in this ring. I’ve had a full career and now, like my father before me, I feel its time for me to give back to the business that’s made me and my family so proud.

Suddenly Chris Jericho’s music hits and Jericho comes to the ring.


Why Bret Why?


I believe I was just…


Why do you keep coming back Bret? Why? Why do you keep coming back to the company that screwed you? Why do you keep coming back to the company that didn’t want you? Is it because you crave the adulation of these sycophants who look upon you as some ‘Canadian Hero’? Or is it because you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you still matter. You see Bret I’ve seen the true face of society. I’ve seen that behind the adulation, every single one of these lepers would sell you out in an instant. A hero is supposed to stand above hypocrisy, someone who is a paragon of virtue and keeps his word, like me. You Bret are just like each and every one of these hypocrites, you went back on your word, you came back to the WWE.


First of all Jericho, if you want to talk about hypocrisy, let’s talk about you, let’s talk about you. Let’s talk about how my brother Bruce used to stretch you until you cried in my father’s basement. Lets talk about that. The fact of the matter is Chris…

The Miz’s music hits and he comes to the ring.

The Miz:

I think Bret, you need to worry less about spreading lies about Chris, and more about the man in front of you, me, a true American hero. One who doesn’t need to fake going to the moon, the greatest United States Champion of all time, the Miz!!!!!! A man whose one US title reign has lasted longer than all four of yours combined…in essence making me, the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, because I am the Miz and I am…


Is this going anywhere Miz? Because I hate to break it to you, you aren’t the best there is, best there was, or the best there ever will be, because from where I stand, you haven’t won a single World Championship yet.




And if you’d shut up for minute, you’d know that you’re nothing but a loud mouthed punk, like this guy (pointing toward Jericho) who would’ve run home crying to his Mommy after one hour in the Dungeon.

Jericho attempts to take a swing at Bret but is calmly blocked by the Miz.

Bret (cont.):

Miz, you wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes.


Really. Is that why you’re backing out of our US title match tonight?


I already told you Miz I’ve retired from active wrestling. I have no interest in winning another title. I don’t need one. However Miz, I may have retired from wrestling, but I never said anything about a fight. If you want to go, no holds barred, mano y mano, I’ll do that later tonight, and show you why I’m the best there is, best there was, and the best there ever will be!

Miz nods in acceptance and leaves with Jericho.

2: Rundown of the Card- Pick Your Poison where Randy Orton and Edge pick each other’s opponent, and the Main Event: Six-Man Tag- Sting, John Cena, and a mystery partner vs. Sheamus, Batista, and Chris Jericho.

3: Edge over Christian-Edge hits a surprise spear.

4: Randy Orton appears on the Titan Tron. He says that Christian wasn’t the opponent he picked for Edge. Orton reveals the opponent to be the Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels.

5: Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels over Edge- Edge misses a spear and hits the ring post, allowing Daniels to hit the Angels Wings.

  • Afterwards Ezekiel Jackson attacks Daniels. Road Agents break up the fight.

6: Backstage: Batista confronts Buzz Aldrin about having to team with Sheamus in the main event. Buzz says at first he had differences with some astronauts but eventually he learned to get along with and trust them because trust is the key to success. He says Batista should think about that.

7: Ted DiBiase Jr. w/ Virgil over Santino Marella w/ Big Dick Johnson- DiBiase finishes Santino with the Dream Street.

  • DiBiase welcomes back Virgil as his and his “acquaintances” bodyguard.
  • Santino says he has a “Virgil” too-Big Dick Johnson, who comes out in one of Virgil’s old silver tuxedos.

8: SMACKDOWN Rebound- Jack Swagger defeats Kofi Kingston to win the Intercontinental Championship. Drew McIntyre returns and demands a match with Swagger at Over the Limit.

9: Backstage: Maryse is putting on her make up when Eve attacks. Virgil, who removes Eve while Ted DiBiase aids Maryse, breaks up the fight.

10: Pound for Pound Action: Rey Mysterio and Yoshi Tatsu over Zack Ryder and Caylin Croft.

11: Sheamus is destroying equipment because he has to team with Batista.

12: Bret Hart over US Champion the Miz- Miz taps out to the Sharpshooter

  • Miz comes to the ring with Jericho. He hires Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal as protection against Unified Tag Team Champions the Hart Dynasty.
  • The Hart Dynasty brawls with Kozlov and Regal.
  • Jericho low blows Bret
  • Miz and Jericho double-team Bret.
  • R-Truth and John Morrison come to the ring and remove Jericho.
  • Bret puts Miz into the Sharpshooter and he taps out.
  • The Hart Dynasty returns and celebrates with Bret. Morrison and R-Truth remain. Bret takes a microphone.


Hey Miz, Jericho, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news, Sunday you both have a match with the Hart Dynasty for the Unified Tag titles. Now, the bad news, Miz I believe our Guest Host Buzz Aldrin has something to say to you.

Buzz Aldrin appears on the Titan Tron.

Buzz Aldrin:

Hiya Miz. You know I was quite offended by your faking the moon landing comment. If you don’t remember, the last time a person said I faked the moon-landing wound up with five across the eye. Unfortunately I’m an old man and can’t slap the truth into you, but I know someone who can. This Sunday at Over the Limit, not only will you be wrestling for the Tag Team Championship, you are going to defend your US Championship against my honest friend, the Truth. And that my friend is what is up!

13: Backstage: Todd Grisham interviews Number One Contender John Cena.

14: Backstage: Miz is going irate about having to wrestle twice in one night. Jericho tells him to call Titan Tower and hands him a cell phone.

15: LayCool and Maryse over Divas Champion Eve and the Bella Twins.

16: Backstage: Jericho confronts Batista about their upcoming six-man tag team match. He tells Batista he’ll keep Sheamus in line.

17: Randy Orton comes to the ring, Edge announces his “Pick Your Poison” opponent, new Intercontinental Champion Jack Swagger.

18: Randy Orton over IC Champion Jack Swagger via DQ- Edge spears Orton.

19: Backstage: Jericho tells Sheamus he’ll keep Batista in line.

20: Backstage: Todd Grisham interviews Unified Champion Sting.

21: Unified Champion Sting, John Cena, and the Undertaker over Chris Jericho, Sheamus, and Batista.

  • Sheamus and Batista stare each other down.
  • Sting and Cena reveal the Undertaker as their partner.
  • Jericho constantly is getting between Batista and Sheamus.
  • Sheamus and Batista start brawling with one another allowing ‘Taker to tombstone Jericho for the victory.
  • Taker gives Sting a glance-planting seeds for a future match.

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