Wow, it’s my 100th post and what better way to celebrate then combining two of my favorite things, Pro Wrestling and Comic Books. That’s right True Believer, tonight none other than Stan Lee hosts Monday Night RAW to help promote Iron Man 2, coming out this Friday. So what can you expect? Can you say, Santin-Hulk? How about a surprise appearance from two of the stars of the summers most anticipated movie?

Stan Lee Presents WWE RAW

1: Show opens.

Announcer:

Please welcome tonight’s Guest Host Mr. Marvel himself, Stan Lee!

Stan Lee comes to the ring accompanied by the Bella Twins.

Stan Lee:

Good Evening True Believers! You know when I was asked to host tonight’s edition of Raw I wondered why me? When have I ever done anything close to wrestling? Then it hit me. I may have never wrestled, but Spider-Man did, before he became a super hero. So did the Thing who won the Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation Championship. The more I thought about it the more realized that the WWE is real life super heroes. Guys like John Cena, Sting, and the Undertaker are ripped straight out of our comics. And with Iron Man 2 opening this week, we’re going to see who in the WWE Universe would fit in the Marvel Universe. First things first we’re going to have a RAW vs. SMACKDOWN Super Heroine Crossover Battle Royal with the Divas. Then…

CM Punk’s music hits and he comes to the ring, accompanied by the Straight Edge Society.

CM Punk:

Excelsior Stan, Excelsior. You know growing up I was a huge fan of your work. The X-Men, Spider-Man, everyone in the Marvel family, but then I grew up. I grew up and realized that your super heroes are not part of the solution to societies ills, they’re part of the problem. Take for instance, the hero you just mentioned, Iron Man. What is Tony Stark but an alcoholic in a power suit? A drunk billionaire playboy, that’s what you people consider to be a hero? That’s who you think children should idolize, Stan? And played by Robert Downey Jr. no less.

Stan:

Actually, if you’ve been reading Mr. Punk you’ll find that Tony has…

CM Punk:

I haven’t Stan. But I realize that all these sheep look up to Iron Man as a hero, a symbol of strength, when deep down he is nothing but a pathetic, sorry, man who uses a bottle to hide from his problems. You people need a new hero! You don’t need to spend your hard earned money watching a drunk portray a drunk committing acts of senseless violence. People don’t need to look to fictional super heroes for piousness, no all they need to do is look to a real life super hero, a savior, like I, CM Punk. Which brings me to you Stan, tonight I have a couple of requests. First, I’m going to prove to these Marvel Zombies that I am a hero by beating Sting to finally win the Unified Championship. You can make that so. Secondly, you can make the pledge, shave your head, and join the Straight Edge Society. Think about it Stan, you could lead those brainless Marvel Zombies out of their parents basement and into the light. The light of a substance free life, the light of being Straight Edge, they’ll follow you Stan, all you need to do is make the pledge and become a real true believer, a true believer in the principles of clean living, a true believer in the Straight Edge Society. Will you do it Stan? Will you shave your head and pledge yourself to the cause?

Stan:

I’m sorry, thank you for the offer, but I kind of want to enjoy my hair…you know while it lasts. However, if you want to join the Merry Marvel Marching Society, I’m pretty sure we can…

CM Punk:

I wasn’t asking.

Luke Gallows and Serena grab Stan as Punk brings out a Razor to shave Stan’s head. Suddenly, John Cena’s music hits. John Cena enters the arena, microphone in hand.

Cena:

Hey Punk! It’s clobberin’ time!

Cena hits the ring to make the save. Cena brawls with the Straight Edge Society but is overwhelmed by the numbers. Suddenly Sting hits the ring and together he and Cena clear away the Straight Edge Society. The two of them stand in the ring with Stan.

Cena:

Hey Sting. I know I’ve got you at Over the Limit. But if you want to shut that guy up by givin’ him a title shot tonight, be my guest.

Sting:

You know what John your right. It’s time I put the loudmouth blasphemer in his place. Stan, yes or no?

Stan:

Tonight, Stan Lee Presents: Sting against CM Punk in the Main Event for the Unified Heavyweight Championship!

Cut to Commercial.

2: Backstage: Cena and Sting are conversing with Stan Lee in his office.

Stan Lee:

Thanks a lot guys, I don’t think I’m ready for the Professor X look. Speaking of which, one of those guys reminds me of Charles Xavier’s step-brother, the Juggernaut, and if he’s going to be ringside, my pal Sting is going to need a bodyguard to make sure everything goes down fair and square.

Sting and Cena nod to each other in agreement.

Cena:

Who did you have in mind?

Stan:

Well, in Iron Man, Tony Stark used to protect his secret identity by saying Iron Man was his bodyguard. So, I’m thinking who’d be more appropriate to protect the Unified Champion then the man who won the Iron Man match to become the Number One Contender?

Cena:

Me?

Stan nods yes.

Cena:

That cool with you Stinger?

Sting:

No problem.

Sting exits while Cena stays.

Cena:

You know, Stan I know you’ve got Iron Man 2 coming out on Friday and I was wondering, any chance you could put in a good word for me to play oh…Captain America?

Stan:

That’s been cast.

Cena:

Damn!

Stan:

But, I’ve got something better in mind for you.

Cena:

What?

Stan:

Seeing as how you are a real life super soldier but you’re missing something.

Cena:

What?

(Stan hands Cena Captain America’s shield)

Stan:

Your shield.

(Cena takes Captain America’s shield and holds it aloft)

Cena:

Excelsior!

Cena exits.

Stan:

You know, I think I just wrote the first crossover between Captain America and the Crow.

3: Rey Mysterio (dressed as Spider-Man) over Zack Ryder in Round One of the Pound For Pound Championship Tournament.  Cut to Commercial.

4: Backstage: Jillian Hall is singing the Spider-Man theme to Stan who’s covering his ears in pain. She asks him what he thought and he answers, “Nuff Said.” She exits and Santino enters.

Santino:

Stanley Lee. I was looking at the run sheet and noticed something.

Stan:

What’s that and who are you?

Santino:

I am Santino Marella. And every time there is a guest host on RAW. Said host finds way to make me look estupido.

Stan:

Well we can’t have that.

Santino:

Having me referee Super battle royal wearing pot for hat?

Stan:

Yeah. Irving Forbush. He’s got quite the following you know.

Santino:

I no member of Nextwave! I am Santino Marella, and you make me angry. You no like me when I’m angry.

(Santino goes off the set but his ‘shadow’ remains on camera. The shadow starts to grow like Bruce Banner does when he’s changing into the Hulk. Stan backs away in fear)

Announcer:

Suddenly, a horrible transformation takes place…

(The camera rumbles and the room begins to shake.)

Santino (off camera):

Santin-Hulk Smash!

Stan runs away as we go to a commercial.

5: Backstage: Stan Lee is surveying his ruined office. The couches are overturned, pictures are smashed, there’s a chair in the wall etc. Shane Helms, otherwise know as the Hurricane, enters.

Shane (shaking Stan’s hand):

Hi, Shane Helms, mild mannered reporter for WWE Magazine. Mr. Lee, I understand there is a monster rampaging backstage tonight here at Monday Night RAW, and that you had a hand in creating this monster, can you confirm or deny?

Stan:

There’s certainly a monster backstage and he certainly has it out for me, look what he did to my office. The show can’t go on like this.

Shane:

Have no fear Stan. I know someone who can take care of this monster.

Stan:

Spider-Man?

Shane:

Nope.

Stan:

Iron Man?

Shane:

Nada.

Stan:

Who?

Shane:

Let’s just say he’s force of nature.

Stan:

Well go get’em. There’s a monster on the loose.

Shane:

I’ll see what I can do.

Shane Helms exits and winks at the camera.

6: Pound for Pound title Tournament Match: “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels over Ezekiel Jackson- Daniels pins him with the Angel’s Wings.

7: Backstage: Triple H arrives in his street clothes.

8: John Cena (hoisting Captain America’s shield during his entrance) over William Regal.

9: MVP over Triple H via DQ- Triple H repeatedly beats MVP with the sledgehammer. MVP is taken out on a stretcher.  Cut to Commercial.

10: Backstage: MVP is placed in an ambulance.

11: Backstage: Todd Grisham catches up with Triple H in the garage.

Todd:

Triple H, Triple H! Would you care to explain your abominable actions to the WWE Universe?

Triple H:

Shut up Grisham, as I said last week, I went soft but am soft no more. I am the Game, the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings, and I explained last week, that I will not set foot in a WWE ring until Sting grants me a shot at the Unified Championship. But did they management listen? No, they put me in a match with MVP so what did I do? I sent a message. I sent a message to Stan Lee and all future Guest Hosts. I am the Heir apparent to the WWE. Like the Mighty Thor, I am the God of Thunder of the WWE Universe, and what happens when you anger the God of Thunder? You get smite. That’s what I did I smite MVP with my sledgehammer just as I shall to anyone I am put in the ring with that isn’t the Unified Champion, until I get my title shot. Balls in your court, Stinger.

Triple H gets in his car and drives away.

12: Backstage in Stan Lee’s office: Stan has finished watching what Triple H said when Bret Hart enters.

Bret:

Hunter sure has a high opinion of himself, doesn’t he?

Stan:

Yeah. I mean I know he got killed off in the WWE Heroes comic book, but everyone knows death in comics is never final like retirement in wrestling.

Bret:

Most of the time.

Stan:

Anyway, if he knew anything about Thor, he’d know Thor was sent to Earth by Odin to learn humility.

Bret:

Maybe Vince can send him to developmental.

Stan:

Perhaps.

Bret:

Don’t worry guys like him always get what’s coming, and don’t worry the Hart Dynasty is ready for their title defense. All you need to do is say the word.

Stan:

Sounds good. I’ll see you out there.

Bret exits and Rey Mysterio enters. Rey gives Stan his Spider-Man mask as a sign of respect. When Rey leaves Stan puts on the mask and pretends to fire webshooters.

13: Edge, John Morrison, and R-Truth over US Champion the Miz, Chris Jericho, and Ted DiBiase Jr-R-Truth pins the Miz. Cut to commercial.

14: RAW vs. SMACKDOWN Divas Super Heroine Battle Royal Entrances

  • Kelly Kelly as Supergirl
  • The Bella Twins as the Wonder Twins
  • Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix as Thundra
  • Gail Kim as Psylocke
  • Maryse as the White Queen
  • Jillian as Siryn
  • Layla as Black Widow
  • Michelle McCool as Black Widow II
  • Rosa Mendes as Catwoman
  • Divas Champion Eve Torres as Wonder Woman

Winner: Eve Torres.

15: Eve’s victory is interrupted by the rampaging Santin-Hulk, who proceeds to smash everything at ringside until, The Hurricane music plays and he comes to the rescue. The Hurricane and Santin-Hulk get in the ring and have a ‘slugfest’ where a “POW”, “BIFF”, “SPLAT”, accompanies every blow or “VINTAGE” caption on the Titan-Tron. Santin-Hulk and the Hurricane brawl backstage, where Mark Henry ends Santin-Hulk’s rampage with one punch.

16: The Hart Dynasty w/Bret Hart and Natalya over the Colons- Tyson Kidd pins Primo with a Hart Attack.

17: Backstage: Maryse’s locker room: Maryse is changing when Ted DiBiase Jr. enters. He gives her contract for a Divas title match next week. She asks him how he got it. He answers, “Everybody’s got a price.” She kisses him on the cheek, he grins.

18: Batista over Randy Orton- Edge spears Orton while the referee isn’t looking, allowing Batista to get the victory.

19: Backstage: Stan Lee’s office: Stan’s hanging out with Mark Henry.

Stan:

Wow, good thing you were there, who knew someone could fell a Hulk so fast. Have you ever considered being a Hulk Buster?

Mark:

Not really, you’ve got to many Hulks running around nowadays. However, I’d like to be a gangbuster and teach that punk Triple H a lesson for messing with my buddy MVP next week.

Stan:

Alright, you’ve got it.

Suddenly, the Hurricane sweeps in.

Hurricane:

Greetings citizens, and thank you Citizen Henry for your aid in subduing the Santin-Hulk.  You have great power, but as a wise man once said, with great power comes great responsibility, which is why I want to take you under my wing as my new sidekick, the Tsunami.

Mark:

Thanks for the offer man but I was told these guys want to see me about a job.

Enter Samuel Jackson and Robert Downey Jr.

Sam (shaking Mark Henry’s hand):

Hi Sam Jackson.

Robert (shaking Mark Henry’s hand):

Robert Downey Jr.

Sam:

We were wondering if you would be interested in joining the Avengers initiative.

Mark:

Sure, where do I sign up?

Robert:

Come with us, we’ll hook you up.

Hurricane:

Hold up a minute, you two are recruiting for the Avengers and you’re taking an inexperienced hero and not the Hurricane? Whassup wit’ dat?

Robert:

We would take you but theirs a problem.

Hurricane:

What?

Sam (pointing toward Hurricane’s Green Lantern tattoo):

Your tattoo.

Robert:

We don’t want to get sued. But hey, here’s two free passes for Iron Man 2, you can bring your friend over there.

Robert Downey Jr. gives the Hurricane the passes and exits with Mark Henry, and Samuel Jackson. Santino enters, holding an ice pick to his head.

Santino:

Oh boy, Santino should never have ate that gamma radiated Cannoli. (He notices the passes in Hurricane’s hand) Say, those Iron Man 2 passes? (Santino takes one) Good cause I want to see that movie.

Santino exits while the Hurricane stands dumbfounded with one pass.

Stan (looking toward the camera and throwing up his arms):

‘Nuff Said.

20: Unified Heavyweight Champion Sting w/John Cena over CM Punk w/the Straight Edge Society- Punk submits to the Scorpion Deathlock after Cena prevents Sheamus and the Straight Edge Society from interfering using Captain America’s shield.

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