RAW is Cheech and Chong Redux

Posted: March 4, 2010 in Entertainment, Fan Scripts, Professional Wrestling, Sports, Sting in WWE, Uncategorized

Cheech and Chong guest host as the Road to Wrestlemania continues.

  • Show begins. Shawn Michaels’ music hits and he comes to the ring. When he gets the mic the lights go out and the Undertaker enters. The Undertaker tells Shawn he will face him at Wrestlemania if Shawn puts his career on the line. Shawn accepts.
  • Backstage: Guest Hosts Cheech and Chong arrive where they are met by the Bella Twins

Chong:

Whoa…I think I got double vision.

Cheech:

Having a flashback.

Nikki:

Hey guys.

Brie:

Were so glad you decided to host the show. What is your tour called?

Cheech:

The Legalize it tour.

Nikki:

Can we get backstage passes?

Cheech:

I don’t know. You got anything for us?

Brie:

Well…we did bake you some brownies.

Nikki:

We used an extra SPECIAL ingredient.

(Cheech and Chong each eat a brownie and the room starts to swirl)

Chong:

Whoa man, I’m seeing double again.

Cheech:

Me too, I think this room got larger…

Chong:

That’s a whole lotta sugar man.

  • Cut to Jack Swagger warming up as we go to a commercial.
  • Jack Swagger over Santino in a “Money in the Bank” Qualifying match.
  • Backstage: Cheech and Chong are enjoying the Bella Twins brownies, when World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk and the Straight Edge Society (Luke Gallows and Serena) enter. Punk chastises Cheech and Chong by calling them talentless hacks that rely on juvenile humor and promote drug use. Punk turns to the camera and tells the children of America that Cheech and Chong are perfect examples of what happens when you choose an unclean lifestyle. The Straight Edge Society exits. Cheech and Chong wonder who Punk was. Cut to Commercial
  • Chavo over Carlito to qualify for “Money in the Bank.”
  • Backstage: WWE Champion John Cena walks toward the entrance.
  • WWE Champion John Cena comes to the ring and takes the microphone.

Cena:

I came out here tonight because I got something to say to someone. Someone who I’ve idolized growing up. One of the greatest performers in the history of Sports-Entertainment. Sting would you please come out.

(Sting’s music plays and he comes to the ring. Cena shakes Sting’s hand)

Cena:

Sting, I just want to say it’s an honor to stand in the ring with you, to stand in the presence of one of the greatest of all time. Hell, I remember the night when you pinned Ric Flair to win your first World Heavyweight Championship. I remember the night when you made Hulk Hogan tap out. You’re an inspiration not only to me but everyone in that locker room. Which is why I’ve asked you out here. Sting, I asked you out here because there’s something I want to ask you. You’ve held every major title that there is in the business, all but one, the one I hold, the WWE Championship. You’ve headlined every major event in Sports-Entertainment, but you’ve never headlined the big one. Sting, you won the Royal Rumble, you have the ability to challenge any champion you want at Wrestlemania, so I’m gonna get to the point. Sting, it would an honor for you to challenge me for the WWE title at Wrestlemania. I want it, these fans want it, and I know you want it lets do it!

Sting:

I do John. I really do. And you know what you make a good argument. The Stinger against the biggest star of this generation on the grandest stage of all! It would be an honor to face you. To test my mettle with you and capture the one title that eluded me…

(CM Punk’s music hits and the Straight Edge Society come to the ring. Punk holds up the World Heavyweight title and grabs a mic.)

CM Punk:

Blah. Blah. Blah. That’s all I’m hearing out of you two. I would’ve fallen asleep were I not so angry at the sorry state of this show. First we’ve got two-dope heads hosting. Then I have to listen to you two. Sting, you’re born again. You’ve battled your demons. Why would you even consider giving this spotlight addict the main event of Wrestlemania? You’re only feeding his addiction. Sting, you’ve embraced a savior. I’m a savior…

Sting:

No! I’ve listened to your nonsense for too long! There is only one savior and he isn’t you. Every time I see you, you’re talking down to and judging people, as though you’re the epitome of piety. Well you’re not! You’re no savior you’re nothing but an obnoxious…punk. And it galls me that that title. The crowning jewel of our sport since 1905, a title held by greats like Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Terry Funk, Ricky Steamboat, Lou Thez, is around the waist of an arrogant brat like you! The reason why I haven’t decided who I’m facing yet is because I’m trying to decide what’s more important; winning the one title that’s eluded me or freeing the World Heavyweight Championship from you!

CM Punk:

And I can think of no better way to show these people the righteousness of being straight edge then by beating you at Wrestlemania.

(Suddenly Cheech and Chong appear on the Titan Tron)

Chong:

Hey man I’m sensing a lot of hostility in that ring.

Cheech:

Yeah you compadres need to chill out and have a brownie.

Chong:

I think the lady (Punk) wants to wrestle the Crow and the Orange guy (Cena).

Cheech:

Hey, why don’t we let the Crow and Orange man face the Lady and the fat guy (Gallows) in the main event?

Chong:

Groovy man, whoa I just realized something man.

Cheech:

What?

Chong:

Were like, on a wrestling show.

(Cut to commercial)

  • MVP over Zack Ryder to qualify for Money in the Bank
  • Christian over Big Show-Edge spears Big Show allowing Christian to get the pin. Afterword, Edge and Christian tell Big Show to tell Jericho that they challenge them to a match at Wrestlemania for the Unified Tag Team titles.
  • Backstage: Triple H tells Shawn that he believes he’ll beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Cut to Commercial
  • US Champion The Miz over Triple H-Count out. Sheamus attacks and knocks out Triple H making him unable to compete.
  • Eve over Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Jillian in a pillow fight as Cheech and Chong watch from ringside. Cut to Commercial.
  • Vince McMahon’s music plays and he comes to the ring.

Vince:

Hello everyone. I came out here tonight to address the issue of Bret ‘Cripman’ Hart and that challenge he made to fight me at Wrestlemania. So Bret, why don’t you come out here so I can address you face to face.

(Bret Hart’s music plays and he hobbles to the ring on crutches)

Vince:

Bret, I’ve reconsidered your offer. I accept your challenge. I will face you at Wrestlemania. I’ll grant you the one wish you waited 13 years for.

Bret:

That’s great Vince but as you can see, I’m a little incapacitated. And as much as I’d like to wring your neck on the show you created, unfortunately its not feasible at this time.

Vince:

I had a feeling you’d say that. I mean I always knew deep down you were a coward with no ‘Hart’! That you were all bark and no bite. I mean c’mon Bret I’m the guy who lied to you. I’m the guy who screwed you, you the “Canadian Hero”; I screwed you in front of all your fans. And then I sent you packing to “dubya cee dubya” I’m the one who fired your family, Bret. Doesn’t that gall you? Doesn’t that make you want to take a shot at me?

Bret:

Hey dumbass, I’ve got a broken leg. You know this is just like you Vince, goading someone when they’re down. I’m going to play your little game Vince. I’ll face you in the ring, but not at Wrestlemania. I’ll face you when I’m one hundred percent so I can give you the beating you deserve.

Vince:

Well Bret, once again, I’m disappointed in you because the offer I was going to make to you was only good if you accepted the challenge for Wrestlemania. You see Bret, had you taken my challenge, I would’ve done you a favor, actually not you, but your family. You see Bret if you accepted the challenge, I was going to, and am still willing to give, the Hart Dynasty another chance. I was going to let them earn their way back into the WWE, no strings attached, at Wrestlemania. All they need to do is beat my dream team. How about that Bret? Is your ego so large that you sacrifice your family’s future to avoid a beating from me? Answer me Bret, what’s it going to be your pride or your family? Answer me damn it!

Bret:

My family. I accept!

Vince:

Good!

(Vince kicks Bret’s crutch out from under him and leaves. Bret gets back up and stares down Vince, who mocks him from the Titan Tron)

  • WWE Champion John Cena and Sting over World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk and Luke Gallows (The Straight Edge Society) with Serena-Cena pins Punk with the Attitude Adjuster.
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