The following fan-script I have to do. Kanye West is an ass hole (just like Jupiter’s a planet) and interrupting Taylor Swift at the MTV Awards is only his latest act of douchery. So, I’ve decided to put Kanye in a place where he’ll be humbled; the WWE Universe. I’ve been trying to keep these fan scripts as grounded in reality as possible, however this one will clearly never happen in our lifetime. So enjoy…

RAW- 9/21/09 by Todd Matthy

  1. Show opens. On the Titan-Tron stage there is a throne.

Announcer: Please welcome this weeks host Kanye West.

Kanye West enters with his entourage to one of his songs and grabs the mic from    Lillian.

Kanye: What up WWE Universe? Tonight is special. Tonight is the biggest night in WWE history! Tonight the WWE is being graced with the presence of a legend. A man who is the voice of a generation and beyond, ME! And as the greatest entertainer of all time, I am going to bring the WWE to the next level. You know what? Tonight it’s not World Wrestling Entertainment; it’s World West Entertainment!!!!!

Chris Jericho’s music hits and he, mic in hand, and the Big Show approaches the ring. Kanye advises his entourage to stand down.

Jericho: I’m sick of you Kanye West. I’m sick of your preaching. I’m sick of your face. I’m sick of you calling yourself a genius when even these leeches and hypocrites know you are nothing but a philistine.

Kanye: Philistine? You callin’ me a philistine? I got more platinum records then your band Fozzy has members. Yeah, what?

Jericho: I can’t help it if these sycophants wouldn’t know music if it bit them in the…

Kanye: If Fozzy had me they woulda been number one. But, enough of this. I’m in charge tonight, that means I’m yo’ boss. So tonight, you’re gonna wrestle the World’s Strongest Man, and you’re gonna wrestle him wit’ one arm tied behind yo back! Now get out of my ring!

Jericho and Big Show make a move at West but his entourage steps in. Jericho smirks at Kanye and leaves.

Cut to Commerical.

2. Backstage. DX talks to Kanye about their problems with Legacy. He decides, since he is a booking genius, to make the main event be a six man between Legacy and DX.

3. Carlito over Kofi Kingston. Carlito pins him using the ropes. In the middle of the match Kanye comes out and sits on his throne to judge everyone. He gives Kofi five after the match.

Cut to Commercial.

4. Teddy Hart over Jamie Noble.

5. Backstage. Legacy confronts Kanye. Orton wants to know when he’s going to get his rematch with John Cena for the WWE Title. Kanye books it for the “Hell in a Cell” PPV.

6. US Champion Jack Swagger over Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

7. Backstage: The Divas are hanging out backstage and Kanye approaches them.

Kanye: Yo’ Divas. I got somethin’ for you all tonight. Divas aint fighters, so yo’ matches is off. Tonight, I’m filmin’ for my new video and you all tonight are gon’ be my video vixens dancin’. Got it? Good.

He walks off and the Divas look at each other with disgust. Kanye is approached by Santino and Chavo. Santino ‘raps’ for Kanye who dismisses him for wasting his time. Chavo smacks Santino upside the head. And they fight. Kanye decides they have a match next against the Hart Dynasty.

8. The Hart Dynasty w/ Natalya over Santino and Chavo.

9. Kanye returns to his throne. Jericho’s music hits and he makes his entrance.

Cut to Commerical.

10. Jericho’s arm is tied while Mark Henry makes his entrance.

11. Mark Henry over Chris Jericho w/ one arm tied behind his back. After the match Kanye enters the ring, boots the one armed Jericho and has his entourage escort him out.

12.  Backstage. The entourage is trying to evict Jericho when the Big Show gets involved. A whole mess begins with the entourage and security and eventually both Jericho and Big Show are thrown out of the building.

13.  Christian vs. MVP- No Contest.  Kanye West interrupts the match and complements himself for throwing out Jericho and his matchmaking abilities.

14. Backstage. Legacy and the Hart Dynasty confront each other. Orton tells them tonight DX is theirs and to stand down. However, he assures them they will drive the final nail in the coffin of their careers.

Cut To Commerical.

15.  Kanye sits on his throne in the middle of the ring. He calls out the Divas and asks them to dance to one of his songs. After one is played he eliminates Beth, Natalya, and Jillian, who proceeds to sing Beyonce for him. He cuts her mic off and has her carried out. Kanye signals for the next song to start and instead Cena’s music hits. John Cena charges to the ring and confronts Kanye.

Cena: Hold up. Hold up. One minute, Kanye. First of all, I have a helluva a lot of respect for you. But, I’m sorry; what in the hell do you think your doing?

Kanye: What does look like I’m doing? I’m hosting.

Cena: Hosting? Tell me, do you know what a host is?

Kanye (rising from his throne): Do I know what a host is? Do I know what a host is! Of course, I do. I am a genius. The voice of a generation. A martyr. And you got the nerve to come….

Cena: Wait, wait, wait…did you just say you were the voice of a generation? Am I hearing that correctly?

Kanye: Yea’ you did.

Cena: So, you’re saying you speak for a whole generation?

Kanye: Yea’

Cena: Well, I didn’t get the memo because you certainly don’t speak for me, and judging by your actions tonight and at the MTV Awards you certainly don’t speak for the WWE Universe!

Kanye: Hol’ up, hol’ up. What makes you think you can come on up here and interrupt me, Kanye West?

Cena: What makes me think I can? (He shoves the WWE title in Kanye’s face) This! I’m John Cena! The WWE Champion. And I can tell you one thing, I’m no Taylor Swift! You’re in my world home boy and quite frankly, I don’t like your attitude.

Kanye: You know what? I’ve had enough, this is my show, the fans came to see me, so you can either get out, or I’ll have you taken out!

Cena: Wow, that’s quite an ultimatum you’ve laid out. Assuming you know what that means. Why don’t we ask the fans who they want to see leave, me? (hold’s the mic to the crowd) or him? (same thing)

Kanye: Get outta here, now!

Cena: Fine…alright.

Cena steps through the ropes but decides to come back. He kicks Kanye in the stomach, picks him up and gives him the F.U. While Kanye lies motionless in the ring, he flashes the “you can’t see me” sign. Kanye’s entourage enters the ring but Cena stands his ground as they are about to attack the WWE locker room empties and surrounds the ring. Kanye starts to get up. Cena picks him up and tosses him into the entourage sending several of them over the ropes to the floor. The wrestlers drag Kanye and the entourage to the back and evict him from the premises.

Cut to Commerical.

16. Kanye and his entourage are licking their wounds when suddenly Jericho and the Big Show confront him. They take care of the entourage fairly quickly and Jericho puts Kanye in the walls of Jericho. Security arrives and breaks it up. Kanye’s gets to his limo only to discover, it has “DX” spray painted all over the windows.

17. Legacy over DX. Cody pins Shawn. Afterword, the Hart Dynasty interferes and Orton prepares to punt X-Pac when Batista hits the ring with a steel chair and clears the ring area.

End of Show.

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